The Changes

It has been 3 years i did not update my blog until i accidentally read my blog last few months.

The last post was posted on 2012. 

There are big changes between this 3 years. 

I am from a single and available lady become attached to a relationship. 

A sales person which promoting an engineering equipment to promoting medical.

A person worked in my own base to a heavy traveler.

I have been so happy and enjoy my life for this 3 years until i forgot the existing of Blogger in my life.

Well, i have a lovely boyfriend for this 2 and a half year.

(Im not going to elaborate more on our lovely story this post)

Of course we had been through turbulence in our relationship. 

We got through every "earthquake" , "cyclone" and even "hurricane"

Until these few weeks. We are in the stage of relax time. 

We found that both of us could not match perfectly as what we expected earlier. 

He told me that he need some time to think if he still want this relationship. 

Initially i agreed as what per requested. After few days the feeling of missing him came to me.

I had the urge to find him back and hold back our relationship before the love fade away. 

I did. I am proud of myself that i did try to hold back this relationship.

The saddest things is that he refuse to give a chance to our relationship. 

This is sad!

I crying and begging. But it doesn't work that way.

After a few days, that was my last question and this could lead me to make my own decision. 

Its a simple and straight forward question.

"Do you still love me?"

I am praying hard that he could answer me "YES"

The fact is he answered "NO"

My heart was like a crystal cup fall on the floor. 

The pain indescribable. I couldn't stop my tear from flowing down from my eyes. 

I am still trying to hold back this relationship by asking for 1 month time from him. 

1 month. If 1 month time, he still couldn't find back his loves towards me, then i will give up.

This is what i requested. He neither agreed nor reject.

After i comforted and counsel by a friend of mine, i found i did it wrongly.

I have been so selfish. I want to hold back this relationship is just because i love him and this doesn't mean he loves me too. 

Get back the love and relationship between us is what i want.

I never listen to him. I never knew what he want. 

Before it's too late, let me do something for him and stop being selfish. 

Time is what he want now. 

I'll give him and each other time. 

This might be an good opportunity for us to explore on the things that we want.

Yeah! i decided to go for that.

Anyhow, i miss him so much.

I miss him so much. 

For now this is my message to him:

Darling, I want you to know that i miss you like crazy. 

I miss you so much. I miss your hug and your kisses on my lips. 

I miss call from you every now and then. I miss your everything. 

What i wish is that you could turn back and look. 

There's one lovely lady waiting for you. 

My Decision

I am no more work at Intel as Customer Service for next month.

Don't misunderstand, I also not going to stay in OM.

I am going to KVC Industrial Supplies.

It's a listed company under a powerful group; ATIS Group.

They're doing the same thing as OM doing now. They are also a trading house but they're a stable company.

I'm going to work in OEM Department which all are girls even the HOD.

The staff there no one will work exceed 6 months as their boss are too tough.

I knew it must be very tough but of course I will try my best.

Worst to the worst, if I couldn't cope, just find other since I am still so young.

OM Sales Director keep on asking me not to leave.I have nothing but only time. I'm not going to show off, just telling the truth.

As a Sales Director and also a eldest brother of mine, he must know the reason why I am leaving.

Since you can't/won't solve my problem, then let me solve by myself. Let me go.

What for keep on asking me to stay? Just wanna make some dramatic in front of the other?

The eldest brother of mine no more. I mean he is not the brother that I know.

He totally not respect me and also his wife.

Dare she look down on me and said I am poor.

What The Hell is that??????

Come on, girl.

Who you think you are? You're just a lady that know nothing don't even have a better education and attitude.

I really curious why this kind of attitude still got people will marry and live until now.

The question marks all over my head.

P/S: I promise I will never respect a lady like you no matter who you are. So what if you're

my sis-in-law? SO WHAT?????????

I'm at the cross road.

I'm lost of direction.
No one understand how I feel.

I can't work with the career that I like caused of some purpose.

I feel regret to leave my company; OM.

I like this job, I do enjoy while working.

But I am going to leave at the end of this month.

Going to work at Intel as Customer Service.

No one support me but they never know the situation that I am facing right now.

Seriously I scare too.

The pay of the new company that I am going to join slightly higher compared to my existing pay.

But no more claim. My expenses might be higher; this is what I am still considering.

I hate myself. When there is some turbulent that I face, I used to cry.

Come on, girl. Cry won't help you anything.

STOP crying please. Your tears really piss me off.

Anyway, I have made my decision.

Wish everything will going smoothly.

The Voice From My Heart

I'm stress caused of my career.
I'm Tension. It's driving me crazy.

I used to pursuit myself that everyone feel the same to makes myself feel better.

I was unable to cope with the situation I'm in right now.

I'm feel so bad.

As the unfortunate tragedy happened in Thailand, most of the factory were affected as well as our sales.

And this become my reason; excuses for myself.

I know I shouldn't be.

I want to study hard as my first semester will start on Jan 2012.

5 years to go.

I want to be an educated person so that the degree holders will not look down on me.

I want to change my mind set, my thinking ant etc.

Yes!!!! I'm ready for WAR!!!!!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!

20th Birthday

The most ever meaningless birthday of mine.

I don't know how should i describe my Birthday.

I requested my BELEN to buy me a cake.

I asked them to celebrate with me.

I knew I'm shameless.

As usual continue working on my Birthday.

Going for movie and dinner with Bro and Family after work.

I expect at least be a lil different with the life style as how i used to be.

But NO. Caused of my expectation, i was disappointed.

I don't like the feeling when there is a hope but dissatisfied.

12/12/2011

My tear drops for 3 times as I'm upset.

I got no one.

I have to be tough.

I can make it through the rain.

Timeless

As time passes. I'hv worked for about 9 months.

As time passes. My sister going to give birth soon.
As time passes. I am 20 soon.

Everything was changed.

The long hair was no more mine.
The best friends was no longer best of mine.
The feeling of mine was no more for me.The little girl was no more a girl.
*Everything happened within a year.*


Now I believe that sometimes some words are really hard to speak out from our mouth.
I am not wish it to be but what i able to do is just let it be.
Just like your lover going to leave and you're unable to do anything even you love him/her very much.

People will live happier with their mind wider.
Yeah. I am to be.

The sun rises , the sun falls
A little boy , and old man
A little girl , and old woman

The moon is full , the stars shine brightly
Second become , minutes become
Hours become , days become
Years become a lifetime.

New look of mine. I like it !!!

Mom , Stephanie, Jessie and Me at Sunway.

It's a happy night for me.

See... We Laugh so happy.

<3 <3 <3

I Want To Get Married !!!

A good news to tell here.

Jessie Ng Chew Fang is going to get married soon.

She was pregnant. :)

So happy to hear that.

Nothing to be shocked as they had dating for more than 8 years.

Congratulation, sista.

Of course I am the bridesmaid. :p

So excited.

While I'm looking at here, can feel the inner shine from her.

Now i believe.

A lady looks different when wore the wedding dress.

A type of indescribable beauty on her.

I told myself : "I wanna get married before 28."

But no point also if i couldn't find the brooms. :(

Ideal wedding theme. <3

Hey Mr.X , remember I wanted it to be like that. :p

P/s: I wanna , I wanna, I wanna get married. Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh.

The Working Day Of Mine

I got a lil bored of sitting in front of my Delly.

I need to motivate myself.

Come On , girl......

"Don't you forgotten what you promised yourself?"

Yeah. I remember. I will achieve what i aimed for.

By the way, see what I'hv done.

XD

How good if there's my real eyelash. :P

I am a good girl. Respect me pls. TQ

Love this the most. Look Sexy B***H.

Photo Tells A Story

Photo might tell us whether i'm doing good or not. :)

How was it?

Am i doing good?

My point not to show off that i'm doing well here.

You're very happy or sad with your life, need no to report or show to other.

Well, actually i want to show that i'm get.................

P

R

E

T

T

I

E

R

P/S : This is how i behave. S.H.A.M.E.L.E.S.S.

As How I Thought

Our STPM result released last two days; 21 Feb 2011.

Of course i took it.

As what i expected.

1 Fail. Credit for the remaining subject.

You know what?

I failed Mathematics.

GOSH~~~~ It's MATH.

I thought i can do it; at least got a lil pointer.

On the other hand, i thought i'll fail for my Chemistry and Physics.

Who knows i got credit on both of it.

1.42 this is what the paper show me.

Valerie, she got quite a bad result which only 0.83.

She couldn't get a certificate as do as Xue Er.

For me, i never regret or even blame on anyone.

I have to take this responsibility.

For now, i'hv decide.

I better concentrate more on my career.

It's time to say goodbye to the stupid books and so the school.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had work for this company for one and a half month.

I quite enjoy the job that i'm doing now.

So freedom but surely a lil bit pressure.

I want to show my result to them.

To them that look down on low education people.

I want them swallow back their words.

P/S: I'm trying very hard now. I need some time.

The Officially First Day Of Mine

Today is the first day i'm officially working at Om Motion & Control Sdn. Bhd.
I worked as a Sales Assistant.
As i don't have any experience, i have to stay at the office and study the product that i'm going to sell and understand the flow of the company.
Last week, i'm out station with my branch manager to KL and JB.
I thought it must be very interesting.
YES.. It's interesting.
But then tiring more than interesting.
Slept for 4 hours everyday, travel here and there.
Well, i knew alot.
I can see the skill to communicate with strangers and how to pull closer the distance between one another.
I'm the youngest in sales department.
Most of them are married and some have children some more.
Should i be happy or sad?
Gosh...!

Now, i'm doing some revision about the products that i'm going to sell soon.
Going to present to my Manager on this coming Wednesday.
I got the confidence.

P/S : I'm going to achieve the achievement that i'hv set for myself in the shortest time.

My Arse

I was being good manner greeting someone a happy birthday.
But God dont know, good manner costs me the word "BITCH"!
I swear to God by my name, I did not intend to flirt with this guy.
But the so-called girlfriend just texted and humiliated me with the harsh words.
Hello girl, this post is for you. Or your friend as well. Whatsoever. Listen here...
I was NEARLY in a relationship with your lovely boyfriend.
He came all the way from Penang to Alor Setar, just to surprise me.
Not believing in me huh? I have alot of witness.
Then, he came to my school, just to chit-chat, a few words with me. Then leave.
I am a girl, I have feelings, and I was touched!
Again, he came all the way from his hometown. To watch a two hour movie, with me. He pave the car door, for me.
Of course, he was being so gentleman. I was touched, AGAIN!
And he even kissed, my forehead in the cinema.
We're hand in hand, walked in the whole mall.
WTF, hello girl.
A guy came all the way, just for me.
What do you think, how I feel?
And there's a point, you should know.
We flirted when you both had a short broke up.
Why should I ignore him when he flirted me? Why should I be the one who step out?
You said I'd told everyone? You're well-known huh?
Who do you think you are? Amber Chia? Or Angelina Jolie?
My mouth is with me, I have my thought.
If you are scared that everyone would knew about me and him. Ask your boyfriend to buy a time machine. And turn back the time.
Me and him, it did happened! Accept it.
Wanna know why I did not ignore him?
Because he was so annoying, we'd even on the phone for hours.
Talking non-stop. Everyday. For so many days.
He flirted me, I flirt back.
What's the wrong? Tell me?
You scolded me fuck and bitch when you said you dont want to use any harsh words.
Then, you are clearly wasting your parents money.
Because you went to school as usual but without bringing your brain.
The word "BITCH" is a HARSH word! Bitch is a female dog, which clearly I am not one.
Miss, control your boyfriend.
Teach him to obey upon your demand.
Handcuffs and lock him up, swallow the key and keep it till you're death.
So that he wont walk around and being itchy with other ladies.
Now, thats what a bitch like you would do!
Why dont you sit down, have a relax talk with him. Asked what had happened between you and him.
Come on girl, give some air for your boyfriend to breath freely. He's dying upon your torture.
Ask yourself why, is he flirting with the other girls.
And, I am here to say.
I sent him a happy birthday text message, it is for manners.
Not flirt. Differentiate the differences, please!
Understand what had happened before acting and yelling like a boar.

p/s MOCK MY WORDS YOU BOAR, YOU MESS WITH MY LIFE. YOU WILL BE VERY TROUBLESOME. DONT BE CHILDISH, AND PLEASE BE AWAKE.

PLKN Tasoh Siri 6/2 Gathering

Last few days, we have a gathering at Greenland Mc Donald.
Seriously, i'm appreciate the chance to gather together but other's not.
Well, only 10 of us there.
The funny thing is that we're gather on 11 pm.
What a lame gathering is this?
As Sou Sou purposely came back from Nilai, Inti for this gathering.
To show my sincere, i go by bus and Sou Sou fetch me there.
I am enjoy to talk and laugh with them ; Sou Sou and Benji.
We talked a lot.
We finished out gathering on 12 something.
I went to UPR to find him.
He bring me to VooDoo.
Honestly, i don't know the reason i go to meet him.
He with his friends and i'm bored sitting and standing there.
As some technical problem, i overnight at his house.
Guess what.
Only me and him.
What's going to happen?
SHIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But now, we have already make it clear.
He told me that he's not ready to be in a relationship.
Positive thinking, he's not ready.
Fact, i'm not his cup of tea.
It's good to be friend.
I can't imagine if i'm in a relationship with a sweet talker.
I am disguise sweet talker.
Sweet talker, please go away from me.
Honestly, i don't know i like him or not.
The feeling is considered as like?
Or because i'm empty now and simply like anyone?
*wondering*
Alright!
STOP here.
As everything had happen.
Not going to look back anymore.












P/S : I'm not upset or anything. Just feel EMPTY. I'm still feeling GOOD.! And i'm very happy can meet them all especially Xiao Tong.

I Miss THEM

Last few days, i was webcam with Benson.
And he asked me to watch "Peter Chao's video" in Youtube.
He was damn annoy and the way he speak English was damn funny.
I love him.I mean i like the way he talked and the contains of the video.
Guess what, he's sun glass was Louis Vuittion.
The way he talk reminds me of someone.
Mr. Chicken.
I dreamed of him on that night.
He just like a clone of Mr.C.
I realize that actually i miss him.
Sometimes when i sat alone , driving alone or even lay on my bed, i think of him.
The way he entertained me and the way he care for me.
I still remember he said he'll commit if we're in a relationship.
And he promise not to rush as we going to take time to know each other more.
I know he won't be so faithful to his girlfriend.
But he makes me trust on him and definitely i have fallen for him.
Finally he's the one whom end everything up.
He have chosen to be with her.
I respect his decision.
Well, my besties told me not to have any relation with him as he'll hurt me in the end.
But I WANT.I believe that "We never try, We'll never know".

Everything Happened For A Reason

Finally i have my time to update my blog now.
After sent mom to bus station, i have my fried chicken with Dydy.
While we eating, the electric current suddenly stop.
I can't take anymore as the weather was damn hot even at night.
When the time i came out, the electric current come again.
SHIT..!
It's playing me like a fool.

A lot of things happened within this few weeks.Last 2 weeks, Devon and i accidentally saw him.

After a few days, we realize that he wrote on the Facebook said that...

"Sometimes i saw they two people, i really gonna vomit, the feeling see them, is really very suffer, just want to say FUCK OFF, PLEASE."
Oh My Gosh..~
See his grammar.
Sux.
Both of us really don't understand why he do so.
We never step on his tail.Why he wanna step on us?
The comment below there mention our name some more.
Stated j n d .
We really can't think of other except both of us.
When the time i saw it, i feel HOT and SHY.
Angry is because he stepped on me.
I never do anything on him.Shy is because why my ex-boyfriend would say that to me?
I mean, why i ever have such boyfriend?
Shameless on me.
I dare not to tell my mom and other friends what had happened.
I know they'll laugh at me ; have such immature boyfriend.
After i broke with him, i never said anything bad on him.
Cause i wanna they leave the best memories of him.
Honestly, i don't want other look down on me.People asked me how he treated me?
I just smile i told them his advantages.
But then he....................................................?

Beside that, he ever told them about the things that damn privacy.
I warn him not to tell anyone.
But he do.
This guy..... I don't know should use what word to describe him.
A dirty guy that visit neighbour house more then his girlfriend house?Or a prostitute obsessed?

Well, i don't feel like wanna continue to talk about him.
I didn't feel like gonna vomit but only feel disgust.